Monday, 23 September 2013

What I've learnt so far.

I was lying in bed yesterday morning listening to IP & DP and deleted the facebook post I was about to post. And it occurred to me that it would not only make a good blog post but wow, have I come a long way...

With this pregnancy in particular, and more recently, I have started to make a true conscious effort to stand on my own 2 feet, not always ask others for advice and opinion and more importantly I have consciously moved away from unwanted opinion. For example:

I have left a lot of facebook groups that I was in - I have no idea how many I was in before, but it was a lot. I am also considering leaving more. I have deleted most of my facebook profile. And this morning when I pondered a parenting issue I realised I didn't want to ask the question that I started to type on a particular group, I wanted to just assume I know my little girl the best and go with it. There is no right or wrong answer, I'd only get upset or more confused if I had other people's opinions or thoughts on the matter. And I hope whether I am right or wrong will become obvious soon anyway...

I have also started very recently to make a more conscious effort not to ask for thoughts and advice from everyone. I still google search and I still read on subjects (mostly blogs I might add) and I have been recommended a few websites that are now my 'go to' on certain things but I started to really think about the people who I asked for advice, do they come to me constantly? And when I realised that no they didn't I wondered why. Then I realised it's because they either go elsewhere or because the reason I go to them is because they're self assured enough to have the courage of their own 'conviction' - or in this case, they are happy enough to believe they're right. And in turn I thought about my own parenting and realised that sometimes I just ask a question because I want someone else to tell me I'm right, not because I want an answer, as such. Anddddd I know that DP gets frustrated because I ask and quote other people so much, he has much more self assurance than I do in that respect...

I had a very rocky pregnancy with IP. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can now say, in comparison to how I felt before (and after) I got pregnant, I had some form of low level pregnancy depression

That said, certain parts of how I felt when pregnant with IP I loved. I felt a new found sense of protectiveness and when certain things went a bit 'wrong', whereas previously I tended to get emotional, I suddenly found myself feeling very angry, protective and slightly aggressive. Unfortunately my blood pressure rose around about 30 weeks and IP arrived prematurely during her 33rd week of gestation (32+4). This post isn't about everything that happened, that will come later - if nothing else it's a massively long story! But I do distinctly remember DP driving me home from hospital and discussing how it wouldn't happen next time anyway and how we were going to deal with having a premature baby, etc etc.

I also remember I loved nesting during pregnancy because I became very ruthless about certain things that I never had before. I have always liked decluttering things and reorganising things but I always had a habit of saying I should keep certain things. When I was pregnant that went out the window. And actually, thinking about it now, I do not miss a single item that I got rid of!

So of course this pregnancy I haven't achieved everything I wanted to - like taking bump pictures regularly - but I have nested on a whole new level and been protective when I felt I needed to. This time my blood pressure has mostly been low if anything...

Just to clarify, the last few weeks have been a little rocky with IP. I suspect it's due to us all getting impatient for the arrival of Munchkin - she  knows something is 'up' and something is about to happen and we're all fed up and frustrated for a variety of reasons. So our previously fairly late sleeper (8 or 9am!) is suddenly not sleeping through as well and now waking up anything from early (6 or 7am) to mega early (5am). Plus DP very kindly informed me that until Munchkin is born (at least), he will get up with IP if I'm asleep as I need my rest (previously I've got up on a Saturday & he's got up on a Sunday which has worked very well). So over the weekend I think was about 5am and 6am that I was laying listening to them both (whilst I was half asleep I should add). Yesterday I attempted to get up with IP and even started to write this post but she was determined she wanted DP.

So I needed to reflect, I think, on what I have learnt and changed.

No comments:

Post a Comment