Wednesday, 18 September 2013

What not to say to a new mum...

Firstly, please note, I found this originally on The Mumologist:

& it is not my own work! However, right now, it seems a good thing to post...

CRIB SHEET FOR VISITORS

Just a few words for grandparents, in-laws, helpful relatives, friends, healthcare professionals and strangers on the street. Thanks to all the lovely mamas who contributed.

Things that are appropriate for you to say:
How are you getting on?
What’s changed since I last saw you and the baby?
Where’s the Hoover kept?
What do you want for dinner?
What can I do to help?
Let me know if you want a bit of time to yourself, I’m happy to watch the baby for an hour or so
Here – I’ve brought a little something just for you
Wow, aren’t you a natural!
I LOVE the name you’ve chosen
I’ll just pop in with some food then be on my way
Trust your instincts, you know your baby better than anyone
(If breastfeeding) How’s it going – it can be hard work! (Come armed with the National Breastfeeding Helpline for bonus points – 0300 100 0212)
Oh look how adoringly he looks at you
She looks just like you
You’re such a good mum
You’re obviously doing a brilliant job
That’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen
Being a mum IS a job and a very productive one!
Can I get you a cup of tea?
Nap when your baby naps….and I’ll sort out the housework
It’s normal
It will pass

Things Never to Say to New Mums:
Blimey you look tired
Ah, enjoy every minute (what if they’re not??!)
You’re looking too skinny
You’re still carrying the extra weight, then?
Don’t you think it would be better if….
So, why did you choose THAT name?
She cries a lot doesn’t she?
He’s definitely hungry/tired/windy
Oh don’t worry, she’ll soon fill out/slim down
You’re breastfeeding? Isn’t that a bit…
You’re bottlefeeding? But what about…..
You’d feel better if you put a bit of make up on
We’ll just drop in for the day. With our kids. And pets….
You’re creating a rod for your own back with that rocking/nursing/cuddling
In my day, we did things like this
Is that normal?
Oh, you must be struggling.
She looks just like your great uncle George
My baby slept through from 2 weeks
How long will it take for your tummy to get back to normal?
Nap when your baby naps. Can I have a cup of tea?
Should you really be doing…
Never….
You musn’t….
You should…

Just to clarify, the reason I have posted this today is because I had similar comments and worse when I had IP prematurely so whilst I would love to say that people aren't really that stupid or insensitive, unfortunately they are. I will cover this in far more detail later (& I'm also not aiming this at anyone in particular)...

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